


it drives you crazy getting old

by sungsh1ne



Category: Stray Kids
Genre: Angst, Growing Up, ambiguous ending, chan only makes an appearance, im bag at tagging lmao, lil bit sad, me projecting onto jisung lmao, very much inspired by ribs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:55:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24672706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sungsh1ne/pseuds/sungsh1ne
Summary: jisung was scared. scared of growing up.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	it drives you crazy getting old

**Author's Note:**

> ahh hi! this fic is very much just me projecting the fact i just had a birthday and hate growing up so much into jisung. not very proof read to i apologize for that, but pls enjoy non the less!

jisung was scared. scared of growing up. scared of losing his childhood. scared of all the things that could possibly go wrong. after all, almost his entire life was spent listening to everything that could possibly go wrong.

ever since the age of ten his parents had always told him “don’t go anywhere alone, it’s dangerous.” “if you don’t go to college you’ll never succeed in life.” “stop being so lazy for once, you’ll never get a job like that.” 

ever since he hit puberty his friends had always told him. “you only live once.” “don’t be such a baby, it’s fine.” “you have to live while you’re young, once you’re off to college you can’t do anything.” 

maybe that’s what caused his crippling fear of growing older, or maybe it was the fact that even a college degree couldn’t even guarantee you a job anymore. maybe he just missed the carelessness of being a child. maybe he was just lazy and selfish like everyone said he was. 

there he was, crying on his sixteenth birthday. alone as always. the clock read two oh three. he had stayed up watching a movie with his family that went well past midnight. his older brother, whom he swore he hated, had been the only one to notice it was his birthday. he knew it shouldn’t have made him upset, but it did. he was selfish for thinking anyone would remember. 

he had been talking to one of his friends and mentioned how it was his birthday, but they had only brushed it off. not bothering to say something so simple that could’ve changed his entire mood. maybe he was being toxic, not the friend.

the truth is, jisung was just a sad boy. he had to reason to really be sad. he lived a good life. his parents paid for most of the things he owned, he had decent grades everywhere but one d he got in math, he had a decent friends. he even had a dog that loved him more than anything. but sometimes he just couldn’t find the energy to get out of bed. sometimes he just felt like giving everything up. 

but no, that’s too selfish of him. he couldn’t burden his parents with his problems, or even his friends. he wanted to ask for a therapist, but he knew that his father would refuse until he told him why. it really was a silly reason for putting it off, but he was scared of his parents reactions. who even knew if they would believe him. 

jisung often wondered when and why he started having these thoughts. he had a good childhood, a great one even. he spent most of his day’s outside fighting his siblings with foam swords, or running through the sprinkler while being chased by his dog. his parents loved him, his grandparents spoiled him to death. so what went wrong? what had made everything fall apart around him.

he thought back to middle school, a horrible time for everyone really. he started wearing dark clothes and eyeliner. he listened to “emo” music that was considered cool. it was a poor attempt to try and grow up faster so he could be cool like the big kids. that’s when he started to notice he was a little chubbier than all his friends. when he noticed that his skin wasn’t as nice and smooth as everyone else’s. when he noticed that he didn’t like himself quite as much as he used to.

that’s also around the time when he stopped talking with his peers, distancing himself because he was scared of what people would think about him. instead, he turned to the internet. making friends online was still scary, but so much easier than walking up to a stranger and trying to start a conversation. 

when he was thirteen, he’d met chan. at the time, jisung ran a fan account for twenty one pilots and chan ran one for fall out boy. they bonded over their shared taste in music and self-diagnosed mental illnesses that they later were embarrassed of. chan became his best friend and he still was to this day.

they’d both grown a lot since then, no longer diagnosing themselves to seem edgy. but chan still lived two states away. jisung never had the guts to tell his parents that he met his best friend online. they’d both kill him if they knew what he did in his free time. so they’d never gotten to meet. chan was also in college now so they even less likely to meet since he’s broke and on the verge of going into crippling debt. 

maybe jisung should text chan, he always seemed to know what to say to make everything okay. he had a very comforting dad presence about him. but maybe he shouldn’t. chan never sleeps anymore and jisung didn’t want to keep up up any longer than he was already gonna stay up. plus, he knew chan had exams soon and needed to focus on them instead of his little breakdown over a stupid birthday.

so he didn’t text chan. he closed out of his messages app and instead went to the music one. he may not have a way to make him feel better, but he had a sure fire way to make him feel understood. he played ribs by lorde, making sure to turn it open repeat to last him through the night. he sat himself in front of hid window and watched the stars as his headphones played at full volume. 

he felt useless sitting there, he needed to get up and do something instead of crying on the floor of his room at two am. so he snuck out his window. it definitely wasn’t the first time he'd done it, wouldn’t be the last either. he never snuck out for any bad reason, only when he needed to get away. 

he started walking, ribs still playing and he was still crying like an idiot. he knew he looked insane, but it was nearing three am. anyone on a walk at three am would look insane. 

he walked all the way to his childhood neighborhood. it looked a little different, they’d built a few more houses, chopped down a few more trees. but it still had a friendly feel to it. he frowned as he walked past his old house, they’d painted it. it didn’t look right. something so small shouldn’t make him so sad. the tree he ran into and knocked a tooth out on when he was seven was still there though, so that made him feel a little bit better. 

he left before he could be deemed suspicious. instead he walked to the bridge that looked over the bay. he knew what it looked like he was doing, but he wasn’t going to. he just liked the view. he sat down against the railing and stayed there until the sun started to rise. his legs had grown numb and he had run out of tears long before then, but he stayed. it was a nice way to spend his birthday, no reminders of the essays he had due, or smiles he had to force for his family. just the breeze and occasional car passing by. he’d finally found a little bit of peace in his small shitty town.


End file.
